IIN jokes - Compilation 1

1. Can't beat this IIN Student

😝

Translate the sentence into English..

‘वसंत ने मुझे मुक्का मारा'

IIN Student- 'वसन्तपंचमी'..!"

Funny side of Linux

Usually people think as Linux as a serious OS. But it has some inbuilt commands to make you smile.
here It goes::::

1. $yes
This command echoes your string repeatedly until killed
e.g. -> $yes this will be repeated indefinetly
2. $wall
This command will display your msg to all your logged user.
e.g.-> $wall hi to all
"hi to all" will be received by all of the user logged in through terminal
3. Black hole of linux :: /dev/null
redirect any output to this file and and it will return true that file has been written but this file is always null{blank}
4. file filled with NULL bytes :: /dev/zero
Accepts and discards all input; produces a continuous stream of NULL bytes. Can be used for low level disc formatting or erasing hardDisk data permanently
e.g. #dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda bs=1M
5. file filled with random bytes
Accepts and discards all input; produces a continuous stream of random bytes. Can be used to wipe out hardDisk more securely.
#dd if=/dev/urandom of=/dev/sda bs=1M
6. A file with no space to write :: /dev/full
Produces a continuous stream of NULL bytes when read, and returns a "write error: No space left on device"  message when written to
7. bc {indian readers only}
it's actually binary calculator.made for calculations in terminal
8. toilet
it is not installed by default . so apt-get helps you
$sudo apt-get install toilet
e.g. -> $toilet --gay You are so gay
9.sl {steam locomative}
shows a running train in terminal
$sudo apt-get install sl
10. oneko
this makes mouse pointer as jerry and tom keeps running behind it
$sudo apt-get install oneko
11. $man woman
you will output as "No manual entry for woman"
12. $make love
make: *** No rule to make target `love'.  Stop.
13. cmatrix
matrix in your terminal
$sudo apt-get install cmatrix

google easter egg- Tilt

This one gives the exact expected result ...When you search "tilt"  on google it displays search with a tilted page.....{Search tilt without "")
See below...{click on image to expand}

Teacher Student Jokes / SMS

1.

StudNt-Mota marta moti pe,

Bhukha marta roti pe,

Master ji ki hai do beti par

mai marta hu chhoti pe :P

Master shokd, Studnt rockd 

Today's 6th May 2012 Google Easter Egg - Zerg Rush

Every One loves Google's Easter Eggs...And today we{I too} found another Easter Egg {although it said be started on friday}. It comes when you search "zerg rush" in google search box then wait for some moment and you will find something happening like this..
1. Initial look...

2. Transition Phase

3. Final looks..

Here is the link of another easter eggs...

http://mashable.com/2012/04/27/zerg-rush-google/

Normal formal jokes part - 4

  1 .
In a bar:
1 Guy says to another - "I kissed your mom last night"
Whole bar was waiting for the other Guy's response !!
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He laughs and says
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Lets go home dad,
U are drunk now :)
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2.
Mai kabhi batlata nahi,
Bar' me daily jata hu mein Maa
yu to me dikhlata nhi,
'Daru' pee ke roz aata hu me maa
Tujhe sab hai pataaaa, hai na maa
Meri maa..
'Theke' par yu na chhodo mujhe,
Ghar lout ke bhi aa na paau maa
'Scotch' me itna peeta nahi,
'Beer' me seham jata hu me maa.
Chehre pe aane deta nahi,
Lekin kbhi bhi ludak jata hu me maa..
Tujhe sab hai pataaaa, hai na maa?
From the movie : "Bewde zameen Par" :P :D
3. Aurangjeb: Senapati batao ki ham shivaji ko kyun nahi dhundh pa rahe hai.....???
Senapati: kyunki Sehenshahhh hum Mugal hai Google nahi..... :D

girlfriend - Boyfriend Husband - Wife SMS / Jokes

5. बीवी ने अपना पोट्रेट बनवाया फिर कुछ सोच कर पेंटर को कहा की गले में नवलखा हार भी डाल दो 

पेंटिंग बन्ने के बाद पेंटर ने पूछा आपने ऐसा क्यों किया।। 
बीवी बोली कभी मे मर गयी तो ये दूसरी शादी कर लेंगे 

नई वाली आएगी तो ये हार ढूंढेगी और मिलेगा नहीं तो झगड़ा होगा 
तब मेरी आत्मा को सच्चा सुकून मिलेगा .

4. मौलवी: "किसी को इस शादी से ऐतराज़ है ?

एक आवाज़ आई "हां मुझे है"

मौलवी - अमा यार तुम चुप रहो,
तुम दूल्हे हो, तुम्हें तो ज़िंदगी भर
रहेगा ।

3 ..
 DECENT THOUGHT 4 ALL THE GIRLS:: Agar Husband BHAGWAN smaan hota hai toh... . . BOYFREIND bhi Chota-Mota DEVTA mana hi ja sakta hai!! 

2.

Boyfrnd:- me tuje kab call karu?? Grlfrnd:- jab tum chaho tab.. ...
Boyfrnd:- kal mene call kiya tha.. Grlfrnd:- ha, utni jaldi nai uthti. 
Boyfrnd:- ha, to me kal 11 baje call karunga.. Grlfrnd:- nahi, tab to papa ghar pe hoge.. 
Boyfrnd:- to 3 baje call karuga.. Grlfrnd:- nahi, tab to lunch ka time hoga,.
Boyfrnd:- to 5 baje.. Grlfrnd:- nahi, tab to favrite serial he.. 
Boyfrnd:- to rat ko call karuga.. Grlfrnd:- nahi, rat ko sab vapas ghar hote he.. 
Boyfrnd:- to me aakhir call kab karu?? Grlfrnd:- jab tum chaho :p (

1. Different types of Girlfriend/Wife fighting with their boyfriend/Husband...

Pilot's Girlfriend : Zyada ud Matt Samjha

Teacher's Girlfriend : Mujhe mat Sikhao Samjhe

Dentist's Girlfriend : Daant tod ke hath me de dungi

C.A.'S Girlfriend : Hisaab se reh samjha...

Engineer's Girlfriend : "Abey pehle Pass toh ho ja fir baat karna" :D :-P 

funny motivational ads

1. Team Work

2. 

Aamir Coke Commercials

1. Aamir as an NRI

2. Aamir as a japani

3.  Aamir as Bengali

4 .  Aamir as Bihari

5.  Aamir as Punjabi (jatt)

6.  Aamir as Guide

General Motors vs. Microsoft

 At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Mr. Gates` comments, General Motors issued the following press release (by Mr. Welch himself, the GM CEO: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice daily.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

 3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

4. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.

 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive.

6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by one "general car default" warning light.

 7. New seats would force everyone to have the samesize bottom.

8. The airbag system would ask ("Are you sure?" before going off).

9. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

10. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary),even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car`s performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice department.

11. Every time GM introduced a new model car,buyers would have to learn driving all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

12. You`d press the "start" button to shut off the engine

Note: Not my creation just sharing....

A woman can't see another woman in comfort

 See the following video none of the woman/girl gave her shoulder to sleepy girl.And all of the boys did.
This shows how much man care....

Have your ever seen scene like this

1. tunak tunak Diler Mehandi

2. The Amazing Dubstep Robot

Normal Formal SMS Jokes Part-3

1. Ram:Itne khilari kyo football ko laat mar rahe hai Shyam:Goal kar ne k liye.Ram:Susra,Ball 2 pahle hi gol hai aur kitna gol karenge

2. After finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna start practice. He checked 1st patient eyes, tongue N ears by torch N finallly said Bole 2 Trch Theek hai

3. Barish hoti hai 2 tum yaad aate ho. Kali ghata chaye 2 yd ate ho, bheegte hain tm yd ate h, Bataoo Meri umbrella Kab wapis kroge?

4. When i call u,1 ring means thinking u,2 rings mns like u, 3 rngs mns missing u,4 rngs mns need u,5 rngs mean.BEHRE HO PHONE UTHAO!

5. Dil tha ameer aur muqadar garib tha,
Mil ke bichdna mera nasib tha.
Chaah kar b kuch na kar sake hum,
Ghar bhi jalta raha aur samandar bhi karib tha...!!

6. The smallest leave application by a jaat boy-
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Dear Sir,
Jo thaare bas ki h kar liyo...!!

Main kaal na aaun... :-D

7. When I was in school,someone stole my rough note:-(
Now they call it as
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"OXFORD DICTIONARY"
Crazy ppl.........!:-)
No claps plz....

8. "Never Say I Failed 99 Times, Say I Discovered 99 Ways Which Causes Failure!"
- Thomas Edison.

Moral: Besharm Ho Jana But Apni Galti Mat Maan na , gud9ytji.

9. "Always believe in GOD..coz there r some questions that cannot be answerd by Google"..

10. Teacher: Prasang sahit warnan kijiye..
"Munni badnaam hui, Darling tere liye"

Student: Ye pangti bollywood ke prasidh kavi sant shri Chullbul Pandey ji ki rachna 'Dabang' ke "Munni badnaam" se li gayi hai. Is kavita mein kavi mayavi item girl malaika Arora ko sambodhit karte huye pyar mein badnaam hone ki prerna dete hai.Kavi is kavita ke madhyam se, munni se  badnaam athva zandu baam hone ko keh rahe hai, in pangtiyon se humko kavi ke kamine aur chichore hone ka ehsaas hota hai...!

11. School life is like Reliance- karlo duniya muthi me..College life is like airtel- aisi azadi aur kaha..But, married life is like idea-jo badal de aap ki Duniya.

12. Full form of BOYS:

B-Badmashiyon me sab se aage...

O-Owl ki tarah raat me jaage...

Y-Yaarian nibhate jaan lga ke...

S-Sharif sirf maa ke aage..
...

13. Haryanvi BOY riding a cycle & hits a girl
Girl:KASAAI K BEEJ! Ghanti na mari jati k?
Boy:Re chori baawli dikhe? Poori cycle maar di; ib ghanti alag te maru k.

14. Aankho me Aansu,
Phir bhi hotho pe muskan kyu h..?

Kyu dohri zindgi jeete h hm,
Akhir hr koi preshan kyu h..?

Gulshan h agar safar zindgi ka to phir iski manzil shamshan kyu h..?

Jb judaai hi h pyar ka matlab to phir pyar karne wala hairan kyu h.?

Achchha karm karna h jindgi to burai ka rasta itna aasan kyu h.?
Agr jeena hi h marne k liye to phir zindgi ek vardan kyu h..?

Kabhi na milega jo....us se hi lag jata h dil,
Akhir ye dil itna nadan kyu h..?

15. Jhooth Bolna:Baccho k Liye  "PAAP"
Lovers k liye  "ART" Bachelors k Liye"Anivaarya"  Aur Married k liye
"JEENE KA MAARG"
Jhoot 1, Roop anek"

16. Techr-Agar ek Diwar Banane me 10k ka kharch ata h to 2 diwar banane me kitna ayega?
Stdnt-100 Crore
Techr-Nalayk kya nam h tere baap ka?
Stdnt-'Suresh Kalmadi'

17. Ye SMS Abhi Apne  Frndz Ko Send Kro, if any 5 come back it means. . . . ..

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Tum B velle Tumhare Dost B velle.ok ;-)

18. Gv me a title:

1)Thief of hearts 2)Source of smyl 3)Fun bomb 4)Sensitive 6)Romntic idiot 7)Mr/Ms. Atitude 8)Beutiful soul 9)Romntic wid a twist10)saying eyes
11)cutie pie12)pearl eys 13)Mr/ms show off
14)drama queen/king. 4wrd 2 al ur frnz n knw wich title suits u d mst.
         ..honest reply

19. What Is FACEBOOK?
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Its A Place Where Boy Posts Joke, Gets No Response..
&
If Girl Posts D Same Joke, She Gets 150 Likes, 300 Cmnts & 60 friend Request..

20. Wo kon c cheez h jo fridge me rkhne k bad b garm rhti h?
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Ni pata?
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Garam Masala.


" kasam se bachapan se Genius hu pr kbi ghamand ni kiya".

21. Pick 3 words 4 me
...... +......  +......=
Tension, Smile, Sweet, Smart, Style, Cute,Romantic, Love, Attitude, Genius, Ego, Joy, Anger, .!!

22. Hr kisi se mohabbat nhi hoti,

Mohabbat ko pana sab ki kismat nhi hoti.

Hum dil rakh aaye unke kadmo me,


ye jante hue ki unki najar zameen pr nhi hoti.

23. Definition of gay...






Another useless n egoistic effort by men 2 prove they can do evrythng widout women!!;-)

24. kisi ke dil ka dard kisne dekha hai.jisne dekha he sirf chehra dekha hai.dard to tanhaiyon me hota hai.aur tanhaiyon me logo ne hume kaha dekha hai.....

25. Never expect anything in return frm anyone, but the truth is, when we really care for someone, we naturally start expecting a little care frm them.

26. kisi ke dil ka dard kisne dekha hai.jisne dekha he sirf chehra dekha hai.dard to tanhaiyon me hota hai.aur tanhaiyon me logo ne hume kaha dekha hai.....

27. Dosti to sirf ek ittefaq hai
Yeh toh dilon ki mulakat hai
Dosti nahi dekhti yeh din hai ki raat hai,
Isme to sirf wafadari aur jazbat hai

28. Corruption se bhi bada Sawal
jo
aaj sara Desh janana chahata h
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.
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Jis Mahila ka 'Salwar Suit'
Baba Ramdev pehan k Bhag rahe the

us mahila ne fir kya pehna?

29.
Perfect Example

of

Generation Gap:-



Aamir Khan-
"Papa kehte hain,
bada naam karega..."




Imran Khan-
"Daddy mujhse bola,
tu galti hai meri...":P

|D|D

30. Reflection can't be seen in boiling water.
Same way,
Truth can't be seen in a state of anger.
Analyze before you finalize.,.


31. Being Visible Is nt Always A Requirement for being Close.
It just takes some thoughts and memories to feel the Presence of Some1 vry close to our heart...:-):-)

32. Muskura do zara khuda ke vaste,
shama-e-mahefil mai roshni kam hai,
tum hamara nahi to kya ghum hai,
hum tumhare to hain ye kya kam hai....

33. ap mjhe kitna jante ho. test              1.my fv food           2 my fv color          3 my fv place         4 my fv actor         5 my fv movie      

34. Hanuman ke 7nam
1-Hanuman
2-Bajrangbali
3-Marutinandan
4-Pavanputra
5-Sankatmochan
6-Ramdut
7-Mahavir

35. Agar dimag h to answer do ABHI 1 ladka 1 ladki ke pass se gujarta hua bola
1   4   3
Ladki boli-
2  5  5   1  9
Ladki ne kya kha..     .Pls reply krna.fast...

36. Usne kaha
mohabbat ki sazaa do mujhe....
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maine ja k uski mummy ko bata diya..

khoob piti bicharii...!!!!
;) ;)

gud job na...

37. Main uske hatho main tha tute hue shise ki tarha
badi umed the k bikharne nai dega
bus giraya kuch is trha c ki simatne ki aas he nai rahi

38. Haseeno ne haseen banke gunah Kiya,auro ko 2 theek,humko bhi tabah kiya,pesh kiya gazhlon me jab unki bewafai ko,unhone bhi WAH WAH ka

39. Xtreme Kamina Baccha!

Son: papa Apki Love Marriage hui thi na
Dad:Yes pr tmhe kaise pta?

Son:Q K
Apki shadi aur
meri DOB mein sirf 5 month Ka hi difrnce h...!

40. 1 hand on Clutch
1 on Acelerator
1 Ear listening 2 song
1 on mobile
1 Leg on gear
1 on brake
&
both Eyes onGirls!

Indian boys r realy
MULTI-TALENTED


41. 1 hand on Clutch
1 on Acelerator
1 Ear listening 2 song
1 on mobile
1 Leg on gear
1 on brake
&
both Eyes onGirls!

Indian boys r realy
MULTI-TALENTED


42. Havin a cold drink on a hot day wid a few frnds is
nice,



But



wat about havin a
hot friend
on a cold nite
after a few drinks...


speechless..
;-)hehehehe

43. 1buddha 1girl se takraya.
Buddha- sorry
Girl- stupid.
tbhi ek boy girl se takraya
Boy-sorry.
Girl- its ok.  
Buddha- meri sorry ki spelling galat thi kya'.

44. "Every heart has a pain hidden inside
only the way of expression is different,
some hide it in thier eyes,
while some hide it in their smile..."

45. 1 ldka Pi k lauta,,
Dad se bachne k liye badi c book lekar padne lga!!

Dad- Pi k aya h?

Son- Ni To..?

Dad- fr suitcase khol k kya bak-bak kr rha h.

46. AJEEB Lagti He SHAAM Kabhi-kabhi,
ZINDGI Lagti H Bejan Kabhi-kabhi,
SAMJH Aaye to Hame Bhi Batana Ki,
Q Karti H Kisi Ki YADEEN PRESHAN Kabhi-kabhi.

47. Wo b kya din te
'MUMMY' ka pyar
or
'PAPA' k kndhe,
Na pdhai ki bojh,
Na life k funde,
Na kl ki chinta,
Na future k spne,
Ab kl ki h fikr,
or adhure h spne,
Mud k dekha to, bhut dur h apne,
Mnzilo ko dhudte hm kaha kho gye,
Kyu ab hm itne bade ho gye.

48. Girl- Plz Send Me Some Good Jokes.


BOY- Me Padhai Kar Raha Hu...


Aftr 2 min



GIRL-

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Kya hua, Aur bhejo na..? Gud nyt

49. Always Speak Truth wid ur parents! . .. ... .. ... . .
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And Run Immediately After Speaking! : )...

50. Negro died & went heaven!
ANGEL-Who r u ?

NEGRO- (2 impres her) im HERO of TITANIC

ANGEL gets confused &asks a friend: abe titanic duba tha ki jala tha?

51. Sir:chalo Newton's law batao...
Santa:sir mujhe pura nai bas last ka aata hai...
Sir:chalo utna hi btao....
Santa:"....and dis is called d Newton's law.....
:D

52. ISHQ mein ye Anjam paya hai,
Hath pair tute,Muh se khoon aya hai,
Hospital pohunche to narso ne ye frmaya hai,
Baharo phool barsao kisi ka mehboob PIT k aya hai

53. Send it to your friends and get lovely ans. Aaj dekte h apko kitne song milte h. Aap mujhe 1 aisa song dedicate karo jo mere naam k first alphabet se start ho......

54. 2 types of suicides
Quick Death : Take a BIG rope, tie it around your neck & hang.

Slow Death : Take SMALL thread, tie it on GIRLs neck & MARRY.

55. Sometimes in life its Difficult to Decide, Wht is Wrong.?

"A LIE dat Draws A SMILE
Or
A TRUTH dat Draws A TEAR."

56. SACHIBAAT:

Jab 5 second KI MUSKAAN SE photo ACHCHHI AA SAKATI HE ,TO
HAMESHA MUSKARANE SE ZINDGI KITNI ACHCHHI HOGI.!

SO KEEP SMILING :-) :-)

57. Dil Ke Zakham Zuba Par Laya Ni Karte,
Hum Apni Aankho Se Aansu Bahaya Ni Karte,
Zakham Kitne Hi Gehre Kyu Na Ho,
Hum Apne Honto Se Muskurahat Hataya Ni Karte

58. Baadal Kitne Khush Naseeb Hai,
Door Rehkar Bhi Zameen Par Baraste Hai,
Hum Kitne Bad Naseeb Hai,
Paas Reh Kar Bhi Unse Milne Ko Taraste Hai.


59. Jise chaha wo kisi aur ko chahti h. Jise pana chaha wo kisi aur ko pana chahti h. Aye khuda humse kya gustaki hui h, hum jiske hona chahte h wo kisi aur ki hona chahti h.

60. If u hide,ill seek 4 u.If u r lost,ill search 4 u.If days take u away frmme,ill fight 4 u.But,if u stop sending msgs,ill kill you.

61. Tanha sa tha jab bheed me, socha koi apna ni taqdeer me, ek din achanak wo zindagi me aaye, to aisa laga kuch khas h hatho k laqeer me

62. i miss u
i love u
i cant live without u.




confusedSORRY YAAR
MERA
MOBILE
BEER
K
GLASS
ME
GIR GAYA THA
TAB
SE
BeHKI
BeHKI
BAATE
KAR RAHA
HAI

63. Dil Ki Dhadkan Dhadka Gaya Koi,
Meri Zindagi Ko Mehka Gaya Koi,
Mae To Anjaani Raahon Pe Chal Raha Tha,
Achanak Hi Manzil Dikha Gaya Koi.

64. 1 Lamhe Mein Us Ne Zindagi Sawar Di,
1 Lamhe Mein Us Ne Zindagi Ujaad Di,
Kasoor Us Ka Nahi Mera Tha,
Jo Un 2 Lamhon Mein Maine Zindagi Guzaar Di

65. SAPNO ki DUNIYA me hm KHOTE chale gye
HOSH me the fir b MADHOSH hote chale gye
Jane kya BAAT thi us AJNABI CHEHRE me
Na CHAHATE hue b hm USKE HOTE chale gye...!

66. Dil Ko Manana Agar Hota Aasaan,
Na Karta Kisi Ko Aise Pareshan,
Tanha Na Rehta Bhari Mehfil Mein,
Na Hoti Wo Halat Jo Ho Na Bayaan.

67. Beautiful Prayer: God wen I lose hope, help me 2 remembr dat Ur luv is greatr than my disappointmnts & Ur plans 4 my life r better than my dreams.

68. Blackberries are like girls, they only work when you rub one little button.
iPhones are like men, one touch anywhere and they respond...;)

69. I have learned to care people too much,
not because they should care for me..
But,
bcoz i know the pain of being ignored..!!


70. Arz kiya h,
ki
Gam ne bahut sataya
h
Gum ne bahut sataya
h
nalayko tum bhi msg karo
maine kya Ambani k bete/beti ko pataya h..

71. Ikhtiyarre tabbasum ki lau ko tarranume numayish se aghaa dena... Jo iska matlab samajh aaye to please mujhe bhi bata dena....

72. Really true fact:-

90% problems of Life are due to Tone of Voice..
It is not so important what we say, but it matters, How we say it..
So,
Aawaaz Neeche.!!!!!

73. Muskura do zara khuda ke vaaste, sama-e-mahefil mein roshni kam hai, tum hamare nahi toh kya gum hai, hum tumhare to hain ye kya kam hai.

74. Nari Ke chakkar me     bhulo na yaari. Laat maregi nari to yaad   aeygi yaari Baat mano hamari tum bhi  ban jao BRAHMCHARI ye jankari JANHIT me jari....

75. Khamosh palko se beh kar jab aansu ate hai, aap kya jane kitne aap yad ate hai, aaj bhi us mod pe khade hain, jaha aapne kaha tha thahero hum abhi aate hain...

76. LovelyFeeling:
Pyar or Barish dono ekse
hote he,
Wo hamesha yadgar hote
he,Sweetest kiss-on the 4head.
Loveliest kiss-on the cheeks!
Most romantic kiss-on the lips!
N the hottest kiss?


?


?
On the bike silencer! Try it on kiss day

Frk sirf itna he
Barish saath reh kar tan
bhigati he or
Pyar dur rehkar ankhe.

77. Indian kutto ki 4 buri aadate.
1-Haddi mili chusna shuru.
2- khambha mila mutna shuru.
3-Kutiya mili sunghna shuru.
4-Sms mila padhna shuru.

75. Sweetest kiss-on the 4head.
Loveliest kiss-on the cheeks!
Most romantic kiss-on the lips!
N the hottest kiss?


?


?
On the bike silencer! Try it on kiss day

76. Jo har shaam aapko ched jaye,jo har raat aapke galon ko chum jaye,jo har subah aapke kano me kuch keh jaye,use

maar do wo machar hai ...

77. Girl:Is dress ka kya price hai?
Shopkeeper;sirf 5 kiss.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
Shopkeeper:10 kiss.

Girl:Dono dress pack kar do,bill Dadi denge.

78. Mujhe jala dena ya dafna dena. marte samay ek ghut rum pila dena,Mai tajmahal nahi mangta yaro Bas meri kabr par ek girls Hostel khulwa dena.

79. Boy : Bus,Train or Ladkia 1 jaisi hoti hai,1 ati hai 1 jati hai.
Girl : Autoriksha, Taxi or Ladke 1 jaise hote hai,1 ko bulao 4-4 chale ate hai;-)

80. A man cooks DEER & Doesnt tell kids wat it is. He gives a clue:-Its wat ur mom calls me(Dear).!! Son screams:-Koi mat khaana kutta
hai.!!!

81. Jani HUM SE PANGA MAT LENA kyoki jin toofano mai logo ke jhopde UD jate hain un toofano main hum apni chaddi sukhate hain.  

82. Next generation child wil sing in school:

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR,I JUST WENT TO ROYAL BAR,WHISKY RATES R UP SO HIGH,SO DRINK BEER WITH CHICKEN FRY...

83. Pak: Needed 6 runs in 4 Ball.. Pak people: ya allah 1 Chhakka De De.. Allah Replid: "Kutte Pura Pakistan Bhar Diya aur Kitne Bheju"?  Send 2 every Indian..

84. Mohabat ki ye baat yaad aye tujhe,chhoo k na gujre gham ki hawaye tujhe.Mera kya hai,mai khak bhi ban jaun,meri mitti bhi degi duaye tujhe.

85. Lehro ko pyar tha kinaro se...

par uski shadi ho gayi sagar se

kinare ki preet lehro ko khinch laati hai

par badnaam naa ho mohabbat isliye wo laut jati hai.

86. Mayawati came 2 Lalu's house with a Goat.Lalu:Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho? Maya:Dikhta nahi Goatwa hai? Lalu:Hum goatwa se hi pooch raha hu!.

87.Imagine World Without GIRL'S..

Galiya Sunsan
Collage Viran
Duniya Pareshan
Tanha Insan
Na Jaanu
Na jaan
Har Taraf Bus
Karan's Ka
..DOSTANA.

88. Judge- tune chori karte waqt biwi bacho ke bare me kyu nahi socha? Chor- Socha tha par dukan me sirf men's wear hi the.

89. A hen lays egg on the ind - pak boundary. Both start fighting over the egg. Ind & pak say it's theirs. Finally india says, whoever kiss more women in other country wins the egg. Pak say ok. Indians go to pak kiss 1000 & come back. Pak are excited. They say "our turn", Ind says "keep the egg"

90. Sir:Bachcho kasam khao kabhi sharab,cigret,jua aur ladki ko nahi chuoge.Desh ke liye apni jaan doge. Bachche:Jaan De denge sir,aisi jindgi jikar bhi kya karenge

91. Haseeno ne haseen bankar gunah kiya,
Auro ko to thik hamko bhi tabha kiya,
Pesh kiya jab gazalon me unki bewafai ko, Auro ne to thik unhone bhi WAHWAH kiya....

92. T I T A N I C        _ll__        .
_,-"::::::::"=._,/t__
"____________/ Rakhlo, Yeh pyara Sa Gift.next time taj mehal bhej denge. iss baar haath tang hai.

93. Semi english shayeri- d Janaaza of Mehboob nikla frm d Gali of Mehbooba with lots of Zor-O-shor, d MEHBOOBA JHAKI FROM THE WINDOW & boli"MAR GAYA haram khor..

94. U 9 main mandir kyon jata hu..?
Qki wahi ek jagah hai jaha ek saath-
Pooja
BHavnA
shraddha
AaRTi
aRChana
Aradhana
$hanti
jyoti
Preeti
Tripti
aur
MUKTI
Milti hai

95. Muslim girl to a Hindu  boy :    " BHAIJAAN ZARA SIDE HONA. "      Boy:  " KYON CONFUSE KRTI H, YA TO BHAI BOL YA FIR JAAN HI BOL."new msg h.

96. A boy got a job in girls hostel. After month warden : y u did nt come 2 take ur salary.
boy : kiya ? Salary bhi milegi ?......:P..:P

97. Agar ashk na hote ankhon me,
to ankhen itni khubsurt na hoti,
Jo gum na diye hote zmane ne,
to khushi ki kimat pta na hoti,
Jo bewafi na ki hoti kisi ne
to wafa ki chahat hi na hoti
Jo tanhai ka ehsas na hota,
to mehfilo me ronak na hoti,
Jo mangne se mil jati har murad,

98. 7 cute things to make us react..
#_touching the fingers of newly born child..
*_speaking with an old friend on sunday evening..
#_waiting 4 a call or msg from lovable ones when v r alone..
*_walking alone in a silent road at night..
*_riding on bike in highways while raining..
#_speaking with a loved one through mobile standing in front of the mirror..
#_Watching the moon by lying on the terrace.. Try to experience these happy moments.:-)

99. son: me school nahin jaounga, . mOm: kyun? . son: job karounga.. ... ... ... . mOm: 2nd class parh kr kya kaam karo ge?> . . sOn: 1st class ki larkion ko tution parhaounga..... ............... ............... ........... Moral : boyz paidaishi kamine hote hai =p =D 100. Darshan Nachankar 2 studnts cheating karne hi wale the ke Teachr agya or pucha: Tum se peche wale larke ne abi kya pucha? . Studnt: Sir is ne pucha Japan ka capital kya hai. . Teachr: Toh tum ne bata dya? . Studnt: Nai Sir... Mene isko danta tha abi to tu ne muje Toka hai mgr ab na “TOKYO” ;) :P :D Students & Friendship Rock..

Normal Formal SMS Jokes Part-2

1. 7 chtai pe 7 sadhu bethe the, 1 aadmi ne sbse bde sadhu se pucha, baba ldkiya line ni deti kya kru, bda sadhu chhote sadhu se, ek chtai or lga bhai k liye...

2. 3 Beautiful Quotes:
1~Deepest feelng is always felt in Silence

2~There is no true Luv widout Jealousy

3~A Lost Thng is always valued d Most..

3. HUSBAND-
Chalo, tumse Shaadi karke mujhe ek to Fayda hua.
WIFE-
Koun sa Fayda?

HUSBAND-Mujhe mere Gunaho ki saza jeete-jee hi mil gayi..

4. A
A
A
A
A
AA A A  A A AA
AAA  A  A  A AA
A
A
A
A
Aa
Aaa
Aaaa
Aaakchii.!
Sory
mausam hi aisa hai.

5. "Pyaar hua ikrar hua h,pyaar se phir Q darta h dil..."
Q na dare dil?...

Q ki-A@j kal k pyaar se badhta h sirf mobile or Restaurant ka bill.
So don't love.

6. FATHER:Tmhari mummy ne mera dil tod diya islye m sharab p rha hu..
SON(U.K.G ): MUMMY ne mera scale b tod diya..
"mere liye b ek GLASS lagao papa.

7. Butter Chicken Banane ke liye aapko chahiye
Chicken - 1 KG
Tamatar- 5 piece
Masala - 1 Packet
Namak - Swad Anusar
Pyaz - Aukaat Anusaar..

8. Banta: What's the similarity between Marriage and 11:59pm? Santa: Dono k baad 12-bajte hain aur din badal jate hain.

9. O waqt bda acha c, jdo main nikka bcha c, Goliyan-tofian khanda c, chotiyan nikkran paunda c, Odo sasta bda petrol c, par cycle mere kol c, Na kudiyan da koi zikr c, menu padai di bs fikr c, Na fcbuk te status likhda c, ms-word te paint sikhda c, Jdo yar saare mere nal c, odo waqt ne badli chal c, school chad aaye colg vich, kyuki zindgi da swal c, Hun group ch rehna painda hai, sorry, thank-u kehna painda hai, par fer v yar mere puchde ne, tu kalla-kalla kyu rehnda hai, Main jwab nhe de paunda ha, bs chup-chap reh janda ha, fir hanju poonj ke kehnda ha, tusi saare jao main aaunda ha, Sb puchde wajah dil sakht di, main keha yad aagyi us waqt di, jo waqt bda acha c, jdo main nikka bcha c.....

10. Nice line said by a broken heart.....
Please don't come one more time infront of me! Otherwise once again i'll trust u......

11. Line by true lover:
"Y i always hav tym frm my bsy schedule for that person bt that person dnt hav. My heart says bcz u luv truely bt that person dn't."

12. A Person Wid Pure Heart Carries A Wonderful SMILE Dat Mks Evn His Enemy Feel Himself Guilty 4 Being An Enemy.So Capture D World Wid Smile....

13. Sum people r more dearer than others,
d reason is not d happiness u feel when u meet dem bt it is d emptiness u feel wen they r not around....

14. "Its not your mistake if u cant read the eyes that cheat u"
but
"Its really your mistake if u cant read the eyes that love u".

15. D beautiful sentence:- "Talk With Someone Who Makes u Happy, But Talk More With Someone Who Can't Be Happy Without you...!!! Feel D Difference....:)

16. Truth of lyf-
"The best thng in life is finding sum1 who knows all ur mistakes & weaknesses n still thinks u're complete n You're special.!"

17. F@bul0us qu0te:
"U r the 1 who can handle ur HEART better Dan any1 else...:-)
So don't give it to sm1 else nd complain tht dey r hurting it...!!!":-/

18. SuMdAy evRythiN wiL mke perfect SENSE.
So 4 now, LaUGh at da coNfuSion, sMile thru D tears & keep remindin uRslf dat EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.!

19. Bacha maa se : mom ye pregnant kya hota hai?
mom ne gusse se dekha to wo samjha k gusse ko pregnant kehte hain...
2nd day bacha school se aate huye ek padki k upar gir gaya ladki ki maa : chila kar boli ye kya batameezi hai ?
Bacha bola : gira teri beti k upar hu or pregnant tu ho rahi hai:

20. Biwi neend me zorse chillai-Jaldi utho,mere PATI Aa gaye

SANTA utha,khidki se kud gaya,Tang tut gayi

Fir khyal Aaya saIa me hi to uska pati hu

21. A Beautiful GIRL puts her  finger on HOTEL MANAGER'S lips.
MANAGER kisses each finger.
.
.
GIRL:Tell Ur BOSS there is no Soap in Ur LATRIN...

22. My number has changed
new no. is




100

Plz call me,

Agar mera naukar uthaye to 2-4 galiya de dena.

Bada kamina hai,
apne ap ko police batata Hai..
!s!

23. Ladka : Meri us jagah hath lagao jaha haddi na ho

Ladki muskrate hue : Chal phir nikaal bahar pakdu


teri Zubaan ko

Moral:

Mere sab msg gande nahi hote!

24. Wedding is the only day when a boy stand on a stage
& watch other girls dressed beautifully
& think,
"Yeh sab aaj se pehle kahan marr gayi thi..??" ;-)

25. Sachin's statemnt aftr match wid SA
"I was stil only changing my sweaty cloths n taking a shower
n ws shockd 2 c d whole team back in d dressng room showring too"

26. 1 Hathi swiming pooll me gira to sab chitiya bahar nikal gai.
1 chiti hathi k pith pr chad gai, to dusri boli-"DUBA SAALE KO DUBA, LADKIYO KO CHEDTA HAI"......

27. Jidhar dekho ishq k bimar baithe
h
Hajaro mr gaye lakho taiyar
baithe h
Barbaad hote h sale ladkiyo k
piche

or kehte h hm berojgar baithe h.

28. RAJU, FARHAN & RANCHO
scooty pe ghumne gaye...

Achanak RANCHO ud gaya...

Q?
?
?


Qk
BEHTI HAWA SA THA WO...
UDTI PATANG SA THA WO...

Ab Msg Padna Band Kro aur...

KAHA GAYA USE DHUNDO..!!
:-)

29. Tears r more spcl thn smyl bcj smyl cn b gvn 2 anyone bt tears shed only 4 dose whom v truely love.
Undrstnd...???

30. Studnt- Sir sb log HINDI, ENGLISH me bolte h MATHS me kyo nhi bolte?
Tchr- Jyada 3, 5 na kr 9 2 11 ho le Nhi to 4, 5 de dunga to 32 k 32 hilne lagenge.

32. Dard-E-Dil Dekho Kitne Gham Jhele H,
Unko Kya Pata Dil Me Zakhmo Ke Mele H,
Unki Mehfil Ki Khawahish Thi Muje,
Dekho Zindagi Me Aaj Hum Kitne Akele H.

33. Shah Jahan Ne Taj Mahal Ki Har Deewar,Har Meenar,Har Kaleen Ko Dekha,Har Khidki Se Dekha.Aur Bola.Maa Kasam,Bahut Kharcha Ho Gaya

34. Kabhi Kisi Se Pyar Nahi Karna,
Kabhi Kisi Ka Aitabar Nahi Karna,
Jinki Aadat Ho Vaade Bhula Dene Ki,
Unka Kisi Mod Par Intezar Nahi Karna.

35. 1 Sardar ko exam me koi sawal nahi aata tha to sardar ne hr swal ke jawab me llllllllllllllllll lines laga di or likha.
scratch krke answer padh lo..

36. Tees mar khan - Flop film...





Dabang - Hit film...










Moral:Ladki jawan hone se kuch nahi hota, Badnam honi chahiye..;-)

37. Ladki Saath ho to
HOTEL BILL

Ladki Door Ho to
PHONE BILL

aur

Ladki Door Hi Ho Jaye to
BAR BILL

Isliye Ladkio Se Bachke Rehna


37. Kisi Mahapurush ne Kaha h ki-     Ladkiyo ki Aadhi Zindagi Husband Ki Talaash me,        AUR       Baaki Aadhi Husband Ki Talaashi me Gujar jati h.

38. LADKI or SMS me kya Similarity Hai....?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Jab Tak UPER Se NEECHE Tak Pura DEKH Na Lo CHAIN Hi Nahi Aata..

39. Khuda kare tera mobile kho jaye.Mile mujhe, mera ho jaye. Karu SMS ladkion ko naam tra aye. Maar tujhe pade aur kaleja mra thanda ho j

40. Boy:Bus, Train or ladki ek jaise hi hote hai, 1 jati hai to dusri aa jati hai.... Girl:Riksha, Taxi or ladke ek jaise hote hai, 1 bulao to 4 chale aate hai.

41. Ladkiyan ek dusre ko gift deti h  perfume ,ear rings, suits,flowers ,chocolate !!aur ladke? ? ?"Ye le ladki ka no. Bs  Mera nam nhi ana chaiye.

42. 1 ladki sadak pe akeli ja rahi thi piche se 1 ladke ne kaha ghar tak lift chahiye kya?

Grl: Bhag ja sale 3 din se lift le rahi hu abhi tak ghar nhi pahunchi..!

43. Jab Jb hume pyaas lagti hai, Unke aane ki aas lgti hai unki dewangi mein hum ho gaye itne dewane, Ki har ladki ki maa apni saas lgti hi ,

44. Lo ji Ladkiyon ne abhi se Rona Dhona Shuru Kar Diya Hai,












Kehti hain,


Valentine Manaenge to Sirf "Your name" k saath Warna ye Din hi khatam karo...:-(

45. Dil ko tab bahut jhatka Lga-jab Mandir me 1 ladke ko cigrate pite dekha
Ghor kalyug

u cant belive mere to hath se



Daru ki botal hi gir gayi..

46. 1Girl: Muje to Aisa Ladka chahiye Jo Smart. Khubsurat. Decent. Shareef. mast. Nek Ho.2ndGirl :chup kar Kameeni "ur name" Sirf Mera Hai...:-

47. The night is dark,the moon is high,i stop my car,u ask why I come close 2 U,U feel shy,i tell u those 3 words.Oh God Puncture

48. Macchar ne kata, dil me junoon tha.Khujli hui itni, dl be sukoon tha. Pakada 2 chod diya soch kar ki, sale ki ragon me apna hi khoon tha

49. I mix RUM in water and got drunk. I mix WHISKY in water and got drunk again.Now I have decided never to drink water again!!

50. Pls remind me 2 rmnd U 2 send U this reminder that reminds me of reminding U tht U never have 2 rmnd me 2 remember U, I ALWAYS DO!

51. Last nite I lay in bed,looking the stars,the beautiful sky endless horizon.and suddenly I thought.where the hell is my roof,

52. Intlgent ManIntlgent WomanRomance.Intlgent ManStupid WomanPregnancy.Stupid ManIntlgent WomanAffair.Stupid ManStupid WomanMarriage

53. What R the 3 fastest ways of Communication Telephone,Television,Tellawoman.U still want faster.tell her not 2 tell anyone,

54. If ur world is spining Round Round.Round.Ur heart is beating fast,do u think its LOVE na Munna na its called high BP

55. jawani ke din chamkile ho gaye, aur husn ke tewar nukile ho gaye hum izhaar karne me thode dhiile ho g, ar unke haath peele ho ge

56. Arz kya hai:Bahaar aane se pehle fiza aa gayi,ki bahaar aane se pahle fiza aa gayi,aur phool khilne se pahle.bakri kha gayi.

57. Jise dil diya woh dilli gayi, jse pyaar kiya wh Italy gayi. Khudkhushi karne chala, Zalim bijali ko haath lagaya, Bjli hi chali g

58. Doctor says 2 pathan: Appka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai? Pathan: Hoga zaror hoga; 25 saal se amara koon peeta aay..!

59. 1 Cigrte apki zndgi k 5 min kam kr dti h,
or 1 Smile apki zndgi k 10min bda dti h.


Moral: Haste-Haste Cigrate pite rho

To b 5min ka fyda hga

Wht n idea srji

60. Height of "oohh shit..."


A boy throws a luv letter to a gal bt it falls on her brother..............















and her brother agreed
B-)B-)B-)B-)

61. A Girl's Poem:

I'm fed up of guys

they all lie,
They break our hearts n make us cry

Loving a guy is such a sin..
.
.
Hey check out d guy who jus walkd in.;-)

62. Nowadays God is in Dabang mood...

"Hum tumhari city me aisa climate create karenge
ki confuse ho jaoge...
k

raincoat pahene ya sweater.."
;-)

63. MD was walking in the factory, he noticed a guy leaning against the wall, looking somewhere..
He approched the man & asked him, "How much do you earn??"
The guy was amazed n said, "2000, sir."
MD took out wallet n gave the guy 6000 n told him,
"I pay people here 2 work n not 2 waste time..This is your 3 month's salary n now get out of here NEVER come back..."
He just disappeard.

The MD now looked at other workers & asked, "Who was that guy??"
Workers replied, "He was the pizza delivery guy sir..."
.
MORAL: ghana chaudhry b na banana chahiye..;-)

64. Earlier-
"NEKI KAR, DARIYA ME DAAL.."


But Now-



"KUCH BHI KAR,

FACEBOOK PAR DAAL...."C=C=

65. Faqir:Bahenji Bhuka Hu,
Khuda K Nam P Khana De Do...

Bahenji:Khana Abi Ni Pka

Faqir: FaceBook Pe BABA 'Pappu' K Nam Se H
Pak Jae
To Wall Pe Update Kar Dena...

66. U need 3 things in ur life:

Love- To make u weak...

Alcohol- To make u feel strong...

FRIENDS- To pick u up when both of d above make u hit d floor...

67. 1 Pinjre mein kuch tote ek maina ko chhed rahe the...

pas me dusre pinjre me ek Tota puja kar raha tha aur
dusra tota Namaz padh raha tha...


Maalik ne socha-
"kitne nek tote hain,
inke pinjre me maina safe rahegi..."

Usne maina ko unke pinjre me daal diya...

Jab maina us pinjre me gayi
to puja karne wala tota Namaz padhne wale tote se bola...

"UTHO KHAN SAHAB DUA QUBOOL HO GAYI"...
Apni Item aa gyi h..."

68. A naughty quote:
the only loss which gives a sense of achievement is..
.










.

'Virginity'!!!

69. 3 Kinds of Men
ASIAN-Has Wife & GF
bt Luvs Wife d Most

AMERICAN-Has Wife & GF
bUt Luvs GF d Most

ARAB-Has 14 Wives,
9 GFs
& 6 BFs
but Luvs his CAMEL d most:-D

70.  Shaeyri by boyz
Arz kiya hai-

Khuda bachaye hume in hasino se,


Khuda bachaye hume in hasino se,


Lekin in hasino ko kaun bachayega hum KAMINO Se...:-D

71. Maths tells us 3 tragic love stories-

Tangent lines who had one chance to meet and then parted forever...

Parallel lines who were never meant to meet... And

asymptotes who can get closer and closer
but will never be together...
tc.

72.
Wat is d differnce between falling from
tall & short buildings.




Frm tall:
Aaaaaaaaaaaa... ;-)Dhappp..:-P



Frm Short:
dhappp... ;-)aaaaaaaaaa:-P

73. Tshirt no - 10 Age 37=3+7=10
height 5.5=5+5=10
WC win date 2/4/2011= 2+4+2+0+1+1=10
World Cup after 28 yrs=2+8=10
Strike rate in WC 91=9+1=10 Its Truly 10DULKAR

74. Ek bar 1dukan pe-
Popat-pen hai pen?
Dukndr-nahi
2 min baad..
Popat-pen h pen? DKNDR(gusse me)- NAHI
POPAT thodi der me wapas ata h-pen hai pen?
DUKNDR- Nahi,aur ab waps aaya to hathoda maruga tere sar pe...

popat kuch der me fir wapis aya..

POPAT-hathoda hai ??
Dukndr-nahi
Popat-TO Fir Pen hai pen..?

75. Agar Apko Is Baat Ka Afsos Hai

K Apka Intzar Koi Nai Krta

To 1 Kaam Kre

2Ghante Toilet Me Beth Jaye

Koi Na Koi Bahar Apka Intezar Zarur Krega:-);-)

76. Bachelors think dat
Married man r lucky
Married think dt Bachelors r lucky

none is wrong
bt

D point is
Bachelors think at night
&
Married think at day time...

77. Soon Weddings will be like this.. !!

Priest: Do you agree to change your FACEBOOK status from *single* to
*married*??

Boy: Yes! I Login.

Girl: Yes! I Login too.

Priest: Congratz.. You are now husband and wife..
You may now POKE the bride..
And don't forget to TAG me in the wedding pics..!! :-):-):-)

78. Boy to god- give me A beautiful girl.....

God- If you are Muslim
then I'll give you Katrina,
if Hindu
Kareena,
if Christian
Angelina...

..

Whats ur name??

Boy: Abdul Vinod Fernandes...;)

God:

Give him Dolly Bindra...
ssala over smart ban raha h...!!:O

79. Dhritarashtra : Main bahut khush hu PRIYE, tumne mujhe tarah tarah ke 100 PUTRA diye.!

Gandhari : Ye sambhav hi na hota SWAMI,


AGAR AAP ANDHE NA HOTE..!!

80. Teacher: Bachon aaj hum ek vachan aur anek vachan sikhenge.

T: Ek aurat ek khidki se jhaank kar dekh rahi hai.

Bachche: Ye ek vachan hua...

Teacher: Bahut si auraten bahut sari khidkiyon se jhaank kar dekh rahi hain.

Bachche: Ye to G.B ROAD hua...]

81. Two best Lines :-
Luv ur Luv so much dat u dont need to ask,
"Wid whom were You?"
&
Trust ur frnd so much dat u dont hav to saY,
"Dont teL dis to any 1'':-)

82. 1 machhar tufan me tha
raste me 1bada ped mila
usse lipat gaya

jb tufan chala gya
to machar pasina pochte hue bola-agar aaj mai ni hota to ye ped gir hi jata..

83. What is the most popular word that begins with "F" and ends with "K"?      .
.
.
.
.
Its FacebooK..!;)

The word you thought is the second most popular. .!!;)

84. Chota sa magar bahut important message

''Pyaar"
"Dil" Me Hona Chahiye,
"Lafzon" Me Nahi..."

Aur

"Naraazgi"
"Lafzon" Me Honi Chahiye,
"Dil" Me Nahi.

85.
Teacher ne 1 cote bache se pucha tumhare papa ka nam kya hai ?
Child-abhi nam nhi rakha hai.Pyar se papa papa kehta hu
>

86. DIARY OF A BABY
15Jun:- I get attached with ovary.
17Jun:- I m tissue now.
30Jun:- Mujhe MAA se khana mila.
15Jul:- Maa Papa se boli "wo papa banenge" MOM-DAD r very HAPPY.
15Sep:- Mera DIL JOR-JOR se DHADAK raha hai.
14Oct:- I hv little hands, legs, head n stomach.
13Nov:- Today i ws in a ultrascan. Wow! I m a girl.
14Nov:- oops! My mom n dad killed me..
My only crime was tht i was a girl WHY?
If ur human..
PASS IT ON Save Girl Child.

87.A Baniya having no child , no money, no home and a blind mother, prays to God...
God happy with his prayers, grants him only one wish!
Baniya : I want my Mother to see my Wife putting diamond bangels on my child's hands in our new house...
GOD: DAMN; I Still have alot to learn from these baniyas

88. Bhehar ki gali main paan ki dukan, Devdas ne dekhi Paro Ki muskan, Dvds ne khilaya pro ko paan, Khake pn Pro bolo'Shukriya Bhai Jan

89. Meri taref se apko 1 PAPPI Aapki saheli ko 1 PAPPI Saheli ki saheli ko 1 PAPPI.Aaj hi mere DOGI ne 10 PAPPI ko janam diya hai

90. Dil k dard zuba par laate nahi, Hum aankhon se ansu bahate nh, Zakham chahe kitna hi gahre kyo na ho, hm DETTOL k siva kuch laagate nahi ,

91. Gud looks catch eyes,Gud Personality catches heart,U R blessed w both.FLATTERED.Dont Be,it was sent 2 me,I wanted U 2 read it

92. Tusi bade gr8 ho,rsgule di pl8 ho,ande da oml8 ho,sms krne me bde la8 ho,jlebi di tra str8 ho.Par jo bhi ho,tusi mere fav8 ho

93. This cat,is cat,good cat,way cat,2 cat,keep cat,idiot cat,busy cat,4 cat,20 cat,sec cat.Now read it without the word cat

94. Intlgent ManIntlgent WomanRomance.Intlgent ManStupid WomanPregnancy.Stupid ManIntlgent WomanAffair.Stupid ManStupid WomanMarriage

95. UR network tariff has changed.Call charges R now calculated according 2 brain size.The smaller the cheaper.You can make free calls,

96. The night is dark,the moon is high,i stop my car,u ask why I come close 2 U,U feel shy,i tell u those 3 words.Oh God Puncture

97. Kya bindaas hawa chal rahi hai,bird gana ga rhi hai,cow grass eat rhi hai,shane sms kar rahele hain aur dhakkan sms padh rhle hain!!

98. Every mor ur 1st thing that comes 2 my mind.I wish I cud start day w/ U in my bed.I luv ur feel 2 my lips.U make my day. I love U NESCAFE

99. U r d 1 whos so smart,U r d 1 whos so charming, U r the 1 whose so good looking. And, I'm the 1 who is spreading these rumors

100. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U.Z 1 who invented alphabets was genius,but he made silly mistake by keeping U I so far

Normal Formal SMS Jokes Part-1

1. @ dis moment 10 million people r having sex.5 mlln pple r drinking coffee.100 mlln pple r sleeping N 1 stupid is reading my text!

2. Fashion is simplicity 4 us.
Class is meeting hall 4 us.
Teachers are inspectors 4 us.
Girls r dolls.
Guys r prince.
Cafe means life 2 us.
Study is our part time hobby.
Campus roads r catwalk tracks.
We know how to laugh after short attendance & poor grades.

We are "STUDENTS"

Keep Rocking....

3. *Wat is LOVE?*
"Its Wen u knoW dat she wont msg u
&
evryTime d ligHt blinKs in ur mobiL,
u see wid a feeLnG dat it might b her msg.."
Gud Nyt..:-)

4. Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha:


Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka h?



Sardarni-sirf ye apka h:-o:-P:-D



5. Broccoli:
m nt happy wid my luks
I luk lyk a tree.

Walnut: n I luk lyk a brain

Mushroom:
dt's nt 2 bad,
I luk lyk an umbrella

Banana:
;(cn v plz chng d topic

6. What happend 2 ur mobile? I was trying 2 call u but i got msg: welcome 2 D jungle network,D monkey ur tring 2 cll is on tree plz try later.

7. Hr Koi Mohabt Me Fna Nhi Hota,
Kisi Ko Chahna Koi Gunah NHi Hota Log, Puchte H Tum Kitna Chahte Ho,
Lekin Wo Kya Jane Pyar Lfzo Me Bya NHi Hota.

8.This msg is being Sent by Rajanikant
in the Interest of Humanity-

"Guys/galz
Please Stop making Jokes on ME, othrws
I wil Delete the forward optionB)!!"

:-)

9.Aaj-kal Ke Ladko Ki  sabse badi Problem:

Simple Ladki Pasand Nahi

Fashion Wali Ha Krti Nhi

N.R.I Milti Nhi

Or



"swati"To in Faltu Chakkro Me Padti Nhi...

10.  Qus-
Ladkiya kabi khud pyar ka izhar pehle Q Nhi karti?





Ans:
Taki break-up krte time wo ye keh sake ki tum mere piche pade the mai nahi

11. SMILE Is A Cooling system Of Heart, sparking System Of Eyes, lighting System Of Face, relaxing System Of Mind, so Activate ur All Systems & Keep Smiling.

12. Pappu English ke paper me fail ho gaya translation ki wajah se..
1. Main ek Aam admi hu.
I am a mango man.

2.Mujhe English aati hai.
English comes to me

13. Jalebi ko Female Dish Kyun kaha Jata Hai?
.
?
.
.
?
.
?
.
Kyun ki Ye Kabhi Seedhi Nahi Ho Sakti
par hoti bahut SWEET hai

14. Khush 2 bahot hoge tum,Ki forward karne ke liye SMS mil gaya,Magar aab kya karoge.Jab msg me kuch bhi nahi mila.Ha ha ha ha

15. Jo mere the
wo mere ho na paye,
ankho me Ansu the pr hm ro na paye,
1 roj unhone kaha
Hum milenge khwabo me,
Or hmari kismat to dekho usi Raat hm so na paye...

16. Har Koi Kisi ki Majburi Nhi Smajta,,
Dil se Dil Ki Duri Nhi Smajta,,
Koi to Kisi K Bina Mar-Mar K Jita Hai,,
Or Koi Kisiko Yaad Krna bhi Zaruri Nhi Smjhata..!

17. Beta:-Papa mai jb business krunga to ache-ache k haath me katora pakda dunga.
Papa:-Well said.! Pr wo kaise.?



.


.

Beta:-Gol Gappe bechunga.

18. Khidki se deakho 2 raste pe koi nahi tha,Khidki se dekha 2 raste pe koi nahi tha,Raste pe ja ke dekha 2 khidki pe koinahi tha

19. Pepl say v r crzy wen v smile 4 no reason wen v r alone,



They never knw its d most genuine smile wid the sweetest reason ,wid sum1 in thoughts.

20. What to do when whole world is on one side and you are on opposite..?






Simple..!
Just turn back and u will be leader of whole world.
Work smart,not hard.

21. Fruitest Shayri:

Abhi mat khana aam, kyoki aam kachhe hai,


wah!wah!


Abhi mat khana aam kyuki aam kachhe hai...




Surf excel hai to., Daag achhe hai..;-)

22. Mohabbat ne har gum sahna sikha diya, Muskrati huyi aankho ko behna sikha diya
Aksar mhfilo me gunjti thi awaz humari
Ye wqt h jisne hume Chup rahna sikha deya

23. Best message from forest deparment-.


..

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
''Pedo Se B Utna Pyar Karo,
Jitna Pedo K Niche Karte Ho'..

24. Girls k haath me mehendi  achi lagti h...
aur boys k haath me
.
.
.
.
.
.
vo mehendi wale haath :-)
dedicated 2 all lovers. . .!!!

25. Girl's poem -Husband hmara aisa ho, wallet me jiske paisa ho, lambi jiski hight ho gusse ka wo light ho, jb saas se meri fight ho, kahe janu "TUM HI RIGHT HO".

26. Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE CCome,OOn,LLets,LLove,EEach,GGirl,EEqually.Thats y boys go 2 college regularly.

27. Today is "relation change day", Agr ek din k liye relation change ho jaye to ap mujhe apna kya bnana chahoge.. rply is must. .

28. Phool bina.Khushboo bekaar,Chand bina.Chandni bekaar,Pyar bina.Zindagi bekaar,Mere SMS bina.Tumhara MOBILE bekaar

29. Once 3 eggs fell on d ground bt only 2 eggs broke..!!
Why..?






























Hota h aisa kbhi kbhi.
Tu tension mat le..
Frwd kar :-)

30. Wo bewafa hai to kya hua...Mat bura kaho usko...
Wo bewafa hai to kya hua...
Mat bura kaho usko...





Hum kisi aur ko set kar lenge..Dafa karo usko...

31. When RAJNIKANT switches on his AC without closing the door....  .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Winter starts in INDIA!!!

Happy winters...:-)

32. If everyone is happy wid U.
thn surely U hv made many compromises in Ur life!
If U r happy wid every1
surely U hv ignored many faults of others :-)

33. jawani ke din chamkile ho gaye, aur husn ke tewar nukile ho gaye hum izhaar karne me thode dhiile ho g, ar unke haath peele ho ge

34. Attitude defined in d bst way-

i just luv it, wen sum1 hates me for no reason...
&
i just hate it, wen sum1 luvs me for a reason.. !! :)

35. Today is heart voice day...


Aap k dil me mere liye jo kuch bhi hai keh do...



Chahe wo achchha ho ya bura,I dont mind

Mager sach hona chahiye:-

36. PATNA

p-prithvi, A-aakash, T-trishul, N-naag, A-agni.

Matlab ki india k 5 missile Bihar k paas.
JAI BIHAR.

37. Every girl needs a boyfriend....
because everyday every minute...
Something goes wrong in her life which she can't blame on God or Government !!

38.Ek ladki thi,
deewani si
sachin pe wo marti thi.
chori chori,
chupke chupke,
harbhajan ko chithiya likha karti thi.
najare zuka k,
sharma k, gambir se
baat karti thi.
kabhi kabhi zulfe
bikharake sehwag ki galiyo me
gujra karti thi.
kuch kehena tha
shayad usko raina se.
par dhoni
se wo darti thi.
jab bhi milti thi
wo yuvraJ se,
bus yahi pucha
karti thi.
ki
ki
kamino
tum log world cup kab jeetoge!
Happy world cup fever. ..

39. A Trainee in an MNC dialled CEO by mistake and said: Hey,send a hot coffee to accounts department in 2min.
CEO: u knw wid whm u r talkin?
Traine:No
Ceo:m d ceo of d company

Trainee: u knw wid whom u r talkn

Ceo:no!

Trainee:Thank god & disconnected the fon! & said-
AAL iz well! AAL iz wel..

40. Sir= bachcho batao tumne "RUB NE BANADI JODI" film se kya seekha? Student= sir yehi k agar mehnat ki jaay to shaadi shuda ladki bhi patayi ja sakti hai..

41. y do couples hold hands during their wedding day.It is just a formality,like 2 boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins

42. Santa- kya laaye ho?? Banta-Mein tere liye rishta laya hun....ladki B.COM hai..
Santa-Ladki chahe kisi b com ki ho bas pdhi likhi honi chahiye!:-)

43. "F"l"o"w"e"r"f"u"l
Morning,
"C"o"l"o"u"r"f"u"l"
Noon,
"J"o"y"f"u"l"
Evening,
"P"e"a"c"e"f"u"l"
Night,
Be happy, its a
"F"a"n"t"a"s"t"i"c"
day 4 u..!!

44. This cat is ct a ct good ct way ct 2 ct keep ct a ct idiot ct buzy ct 4 ct 20 ct seconds cat! NOW READ IT WITHOUT SAYIN CAT!

45. If u give me 100 young boys I can change the nation.
-SWAMI VIVEKANAND







If u give me 100 young girl I can create another nation...
- Swami Imran Hashmi.

46. Universal fact-
person who hates u thinks abt u double d time than d person who luvs u!

So never mind if u r hated or loved.
Be proud,u r REMEMBERED

47. Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain studying.When a person askied what he was doing.He replied.Oye higher studies yaar

48. A boy was walking on the road in fully rainy ngt. ..

A girl came wth umrella & said to him
"Hello,
u can share my umbrella wth me"
Boy replied-
" it's ok sister... I m fyn...'
 & then went away..



Moral of the story -
kuch ni...


bas ladki khaas ni thi...

49.  ((($)))  =!=
ye phool apki or hmari dosti ki nisani h ye phool jitna bdega hmari dosti utni hi bdegi
to apne mobile me roz 1 jug pani dalna....!

50. Breakng News:
girls hostel me aag lag gayi hai...

ladko ki help se aag pe kabu paya ja chuka h...

lekin...


ab ladko pe kabu pane ki koshish jari hai:-)-

51. "HEART" ka accident hua hai, bahut "PYAR" beh gayA,HA Dr. ne operation k liye kaha hai, "PYAR" ki zarurat h, so plz donate "PYAR" & save my "HEART".

52. Jab Jb hume pyaas lagti hai, Unke aane ki aas lgti hai unki dewangi mein hum ho gaye itne dewane, Ki har ladki ki maa apni saas lgti hi

53. Tute dil k tukde jud nhi pate,
Dil me dag ho to dhul nhi pate,
Taklif ye nhi k wo hume yad nhi karte,
Taklif ye h k hum unhe bhul nhi pate.

54.
Kya aap pareshan hai?
Dukhi rehte hai?
.
Nind nhi aati?
.
Kisi kaam me DIL nhi lagta?
.
samaj lo ki
.
Vitamin
.
.
.
.
.
"SHE" ki kami hai..

55. Educational shayri-
Kutta bhi apni gali me hota h king,

Wah wah

kutta bhi apni gali me hota h king,




'Noun' is the name of  person,place or thing

56. 2 live a life,one needs brain,reflex,looks,IQ,knowledge,way of expression N mental qualities.Hats off 2 u coz u manage 2 lve W/O them

57. Ek Din SARDAR Ne bhut sundr ladki dkhi or socha
Bahut socha
.
Kya socha?
.
Kash!
ye meri maa hoti to mai bhi Kitna sundar hota.

58. !..Love Attitude..!

...Wo is chah mein rehte hain k hum unko unse mange...



...Aur hum is guroor mein rehte hain k hum apni hi cheez manga nahi krte...

59. Agr Mobile INDIA
me bante
to Usme Ye
Templates hote:

1.Kutte call kr
2.Cigret Lete Aana
3.Date Pr Hu
4.Yar kisi ladki ka No. to de
5.Bal. transfer kr kamine
6.Kutte! Kaha mara pada hai
7.Dimag mat khaa
8.Yar meri wali naraj ho gayi hai, 2-4 senti msg to bhej
9.Abhi call nhi karo jaan mummy paas me hai...

60. Breaking News:
Today
Ek Train Cycle Ki Chapet Me aayi..
Train Me sawaar Sabhi Log Maare Gaye. Gud nght
Cycle Driver "RAJNIKANT"
Farrar!!!><

61. Chain msg by santa-

Plz is msg ko itna frwd kare k meri gf tk pahuch jaye..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Preeto Tune Sim Change Kar K achha Nh Kiya :-D;-)

62. Golden quote-"evryone wnts to go to heaven,bt no one wnts to die...!"In our language it means-"sala sabko top karna hai,par padhna koi nahi chahta...!"

63. Falling in love is a sweet ambition, finding true lve is a mission. Take my word, follow Indian tradition N marry ur dad's ugly decision

64. Sir-Bachcho btao tumne "RUB NE BANADI JODI"film se kya sikha? Student- Sir, yehi ki agar mehnat ki jaye to shadi shuda ladki bhi patayi ja sakti hai .

65. Vidai k samay dulhe ka mobile baja..DULHAN ne thapad mar diya?usme ringtone thi-dil me chupake pyar ka armaan le chale,  Hum aaj apni maut ka saman le chale.

66.Santa goes to Julie's home n knockd d door....
Julie-kaun?
Santa-main..
Julie-main kaun?
Santa-Lo bolo.. Ullu ki pathhi tu Julie aur kaun..

67. BEST MSG I HVE EVR RECEIVED:





Kaun kehta hai k khuda nazar nahi aata?



Sirf wohi to nazar aata hai jab kuch nazar nahi aata..?

68. BEST MSG I HVE EVR RECEIVED:





Kaun kehta hai k khuda nazar nahi aata?



Sirf wohi to nazar aata hai jab kuch nazar nahi aata..?

69.Jidhr dekho ishq ke bimar baithe he
Hajaro mar gaye lakho taiyar bethe he
Barbad hote hai ladkiyo ke piche
Aur kehte hai hum berojgar bethe hai.

70. Life becomes interestng wen u start speakng silently wid ur eyes..
Bt lyf becums more interestng wen sum1 start reading those eyes silently...

71. 1bar kisine mere No.p
100ka rchrge kraya
use 1lakh ka fayda hua.

Kisine 500ka kraya uski sari murade puri ho gyi.

Mera farz tha btana,aage jo apki icha.:p

72. Jo riste h dil me vo juda nahi hote, kuch ahsas lafzo me bayan nahi hote, 1 hsrat h aapko manane ki, per aap itne acchey h ki kbi khafa nahi hote.

73. Girlfrnd Ka Antim Sanskar Kar Ladka Ghar Ja Raha Tha. Achanak Bijli Chamki, Tofan Aya, Badal Garje, Baris Hui.
Ladka Has Kar Bola:- Lagta Hai Pahunch Gai.

74. Arz h

Jaldbazi me shadi karoge
to
sara jivan bigad loge

wah wah
Jaldbazi me shadi karoge
to sara jivan bigad loge

soch samajh k karoge


to b kya ukhad loge?

75. Ek Cheeta Cigarette pee raha tha ki achanak ek chuha uske paas aya aur bola-Bhai chhod do nasha, aao mere sath, dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat hai

Cheeta chuhe k sath chal dia

Aage 1 hathi cocaine pi raha tha. Chuha fir bola-Bhai chhod do nasha, dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat hai.

Hathi bhi sath chal diya

Aage Sher whisky peene ki tayyari kar raha tha. Chuhe ne use bhi wahi kaha

Sher ne glass side par rakha aur chuhe ko 5-6 thappad maare

Hathi bola kyu maar rahe ho is bechare ko?

Sher bola-
"Is nalayak ne pichhli bar bhi gaanjha peekar mujhe 3 ghante jungle me aise hi ghumaya tha.

76. Breaking News
Aakhirkar pata chal hi gaya k 2012 me pralay kaise ayegi.!
.
.
.
.

5/8/2012
ko
.
.
.
.

Friendship day Or Rakhi Ek hi din hai..

77. Who said english is easy?  Fill in the blank with YES or No... 1. I dont have brain. 2. I dont have sence. 3. I am stupid.. ,

78. Ek ladka bike pe ja raha tha ladki ko dekhne ke chakrr me achanak gir pada ladki-o my god lgi toh nahi
ladka-are nhi pagli... Hum toh utarte hi aise hain:D:D;)

79. Old Love Stories-
Started frm eyes,
Grew wid gifts,
Ended with tears...
& New Love Stories-
Start from mobile,
Grow wth recharge & End with sim change...

80. Dosti karo college wali se, Ishq karo office wali se, Pyar karo dilwali se, ankh larao sali se, aur maar khao ghar wali se

81. Bachelor life:Mon ko dosti, Tues ko pyar, Wed ko shaadi, Thus ko barbadi, Fri ko fighting, Sat ko talaq, Sun ko rest, Mon ko phir se talash

82. Dosti kro AIRTEL wali se
Line busy rkho BSNLwali se
Pyar kro IDEA wali se
Bate kro Vodafone  wali se
Aankhe ladao TATA wali se
Pr shadi kro bina mobile wali se.

83. Wo School Ki Sidhiyo Par Pyar Bhari Baate,
Aate Jato Per Comments ki Barsate,
Wo Sylabus Ki Tension,
Wo Exam Ki Raate,
Wo Canteen Ki Party,
Wo B'Day Ki Laate,
Wo Ruthna Manana,
Wo Bunk Wo mulaqate,
Wo Lab Wo Library,
Wo Sona Temprary,
Wo Movie Wo Music,
Wo Cards K Magic,
Wo Proposal Ki Planing Me Raat Ka Gujarna,
Har Ek Ko Dost Ki Bhabhi Batana,
Lecture Se Jyada Usko Niharna,
Fir Class Me Pichhe Ki Seat Pe Sona,
Uski Nazar mein Sarif Ban Jana,
Na Rahenge Wo Din,
Na Rahengi Wo Ratein, na rahengi wo hasi bhari mulakate
Agar Rahengi kuch to bas...    ***YAADEIN***

84. Sum ppl dnt undrstnd the way I am, Sum r hurt by d way i talk,
but wt cn I do if dat's d real me, 'SORRY' i'm nt 'Perfect' bt definitely nt 'FAKE'.

85. 1 din Aalu Ne Bhindi K Number Pr "I Love U" Ka Msg Bejha..
Bhindi Ne Use Phone Kar K Bhut Bura Bhala Kaha Or Boli,,,,

Shut Up,,,Shkal Dekhi H Apni....Tum Itne Mote Or Mai Slim And Smart..
Aalu Ko Bahut Dukh Hua Or Usne Phir Itni Sabziya Fansayi Ki Aaj Aap Dekh Sakte Ho,,
Aalu-Ghobi,,
Aalu-Bengan,,
Aalu-Shimla Mirch
Aalu-Paalak,,
Aalu-Matar,,
Aalu-Gaajar,,
Aalu-Methi,,
Aur Bindhi Us Din Se Aaj Tak Akeli Hai.!!

Moral: Mat Kar Itna GURUR..!!  :-)

86. TATA ki
NANO CAR Me 2 Problems hai -
1. Pregnant Woman andar nahi aa sakti.
And
2. Car ke andar Normal Woman Pregnant nahi ho sakti..

87. BACHELOR OF FLIRTISM on air..

Trrin trrin...
Gal: hello baby..
boy: ohh jaan. Bolo

gal: kaha ho yar subh se koi ata pata nai.
boy:arre hum to khoye hue hain apki ankho me..
gal:abi kya kar rahe ho?
boy: tumhari pic dkh rha hu,kahi aur mann nai lag rha.

gal: maine to tumhe koi pic di hi nai.
boy: arre mere dil me chapi hai pic,barso se..

gal: bt hum to parso mile hain pehali bar.
boy:tumhare bina ek pal bhi barso k samaan hai.pinky.

gal: pinky?ye pìnky kaun hai? Mai to divya hu.
boy: lagta hai tumse bt karke sb bhool jata hu.

gal: tum prashant ho na?
boy: gharwale to ricky bolte hain,bt vo galat ho sakte hai tum nai.

Gal:ye 9211420840 hai?
boy:tha to nai bt abse hai.!!:-D

88. Punjab de school da haal,

Bacha:Madam ji m tuhade layi dudh le ke aya haan.??

Madm(dudh pee ke)
Bada swad hai kitho lyanda?

Bacha:Ghar hi pya si,

Billi mooh mar gayi si,

ese layi le aya.?

Madm ne dudh wala dabba chuck k para marya,

Bachha: dabba na sutto g savere asi bathroom  v jana hunda hai...:p
gud mrn :)

89. *Wat is LOVE?*
"Its Wen u knoW dat she wont msg u
&
evryTime d ligHt blinKs in ur mobiL,
u see wid a feeLnG dat it might b her msg.."

90. Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha:


Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka h?



Sardarni-sirf ye apka h:-o:-P:-D

91. Old Lady 2 Dr:
Mujhe Gas ki problm h,
pr achi baat ye h ki meri gas me na Smell aati h na Awaz
Aap k office me b 20 dafa gas chor chuki hu
pr kisi ko pta nhi chala..

Doc:Ye Dwa lo aur 1wk baad aana..

1wk baad
Old Lady: Aapne mujhe kya dwa di? meri gas me ab b awaz nhi aa rhi, pr baut Zehrily Smell aati h..

Doc:Gud..
Aapki Naak theek ho gyi h..
ab hum aapke KAAN ka ilaaj karenge...

92. Santa-Yaar tu mirror k samne q padhta hai
Banta-uske 3 fayde h.I Never explain myself to anyone"
coz,
Prsn who likes me,
doesnt need it...
Nd Prsn who dislikes me,
wont believe it...


93. Raju visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.Man says 'Chin Yu Yan' n dies.Raju find meaning of words.It is ur standing on oxygen tube!!

94. Tujhse naraj nahi jindgi hairan hu mai


WAH WAH
Tujhse naraj nahi jindgi Hairan hu mai
wah wah




Koi naya msg nahi ban raha Bahut Pareshan hu mai..!:-P

95. Raja going w his sister,Some shouts Oye,mashuka le kar kahan nikle Raja slap him N says Oye.mashuka hogi teri.Meri 2 behan hai

96. Who Is The Most HARDWORKING Guy in MTV Roadies Except Raghu, Rajeev and Rannvijay??
.
.
.
.
.
.
The One Who Operates The BEEP **** BUTTON! :D

97. Funny meanigs of places in english

LARGE STATE-Maha-rastra

PLACE OF KINGS-Raja-sthan

QUEEN FEILD-
Rani-khet

MR. CITY-
Shri-nagar

RISING CITY- Udai-pur

RHYTHM OF EYES-
Nani-tal

FACE-
Surat

UNMARRIED GIRL-
Kanya-kumari

GOD'S GATE-  Hari-dwar

BRICK CITY-
Ita-nagar

SAINT HAIR- Rishi-kesh

RED NAIL-
Lal-kila

CALL END-
Kol-kata

NO ZIP-
Chen-nai

COME ON SUN-
Arun-aa-chal

COME IN EVENING-
Aa-sam

GO & Come
GO-A..
Do Drama
Kar- natak..:-)

98. Mana Ki Bahut Tadpate Hai Faasle,
Mana Ki Bahut Satate Hai Faasle,
Magar Faaslo Se Bhi Dil Lagana Padta Hai,
Kyoki Rishto Ki Ehmiyat Batate Hai Faasle....!


99. Train me TT sadhu se bola- kaha jana hai? SADHU-jaha Ram ka janam hua. TT-tiket hai? Sadhu-nahi, TT- chalo, Sadhu- kahan? TT-jahan krishan ka janam hua tha.

100. A Chinese couple Mr. Hoyo & Mrs. Hoyo had white twin babies
They named
Jo-Hoyo,
So-Hoyo.
Next year dey had 1 black baby
They named
yo-Ki-Hoyo

101. Ldki K Gaal pr Gulab marne pr-
English Girl-Darling,Ur so Naughty

Urdu-Nhi kro Janu

Sikh-Tusi wade Romantic ho

Jaat - Kai kre Bawle, Ankhe fodgey  k...

102. Dr. ghayal mareej se-Jab car 1 srdar chala rha tha to tume sadak se dur chalna chahye tha.

Mareej-Konsi sadak? Mai to apne aangan me baitha tha

103. Dr. ghayal mareej se-Jab car 1 srdar chala rha tha to tume sadak se dur chalna chahye tha.

Mareej-Konsi sadak? Mai to apne aangan me baitha tha

104. Arz hai..
Zindagi ne diye hai bahut dhokhe..



Gour farmayega!!



Zindagi ne diye hai bahut dhokhe









Koi bat nai..
Its ok Its ok...Its ok..!!!
:

105. Truth of lyf-
"The best thng in life is finding sum1 who knows all ur mistakes & weaknesses n still thinks u're complete n You're special.!"

106. A very naughty answer given by a GIRL When asked: how u feel when sum1 gives u a flying Kiss
.
.
.
GIRL:
I Feel boyz r very Lazyyyy....

107. !..My Heart dooRs will always be open for dose who have hurt me..
But may be they have lost their beautiful position on wich they have once ruled..!

108. U know
U r very  careless?
Jaha b  jate ho?
Kuch chod k aate ho?
1 minute pehle hi aap mere
"MIND"
me aye?
or
Chehre pe ek
"SWEET 'C' SMILE" chod  gye.

109. D Best and amazing Part of Life is
When Your parents says..

.

.

.








Padhna toh tujhe h nhi,

Chal teri shadi hi kara dete h.

110. 1 bar Srdar paise jama karne Bank gya.


Oficr: ye note fata hua h dusra do.



Sardar: Mai apne A/c me jama kr raha hu,fata karu ya Naya, Apko kya matlab..!

111. "2O11" ka sb se super Hit msg..
"Ladkiyaan"Jb roti h,To wo Aankhon ki jagah..Muh par kyu hath rakhti h..?





Taaki



Maa-Behn ki Gali na nikal jaye..

112.
1-Sath-2 revision ho jata hai
2-Khud pe nazar bani rehti hai
3-Group study bhi ho jati hai.

Bhojpuri/Bihari SMS/Whatsapp messages

21.
एक बार फिर गोलूआ बिहार बोर्ड की परीक्षा में टॉप होते होते बचा..!!

प्रश्न - "नाऊन" किसे कहते हैं??

गोलूआ - "नऊआ" के मेहरारू को नाऊन कहते हैं।। "Noun" is the wife of नऊवा, She goes door to door देवे बुलऊवा।।


20.
शादी के पहले दिन लड़का confuse हो रहा था कि पत्नी से कैसे बात शुरू की जाये।.
कमरे में पहुंचा, तो 5 मिनट के लिए तो दुल्हनके पास चुपचापबैठा रहा, उसके बाद धीरे से बोला:...."का नाम ह तुहार ?" 😎😎.
दुल्हन शरमाते हुए बोली "काहें बियाह के कार्ड पर तुहरे मौसी के नाम छपल रहल का...


19.
भोजपुरिया लड़का परीक्षा के पहले रिवीजन करते समय-
ई त बन जाई,
ऐहू त बनिए जाई,
अऊर हइहो बनिये जाई,
हई त अइबे न करी,
बचल खुचल त याद करिये लेले बानी,
हो गईल हम्मर परीक्षा के तेयारी 😇😇😇
परीक्षा हॉल में
अरे
ई कहा से आ गईल रे 😟😳
एकरा के त कभ्भु देखलेही न रहनी रे,😳�
मर गईनी रे,
एकरे के त छोड देले रही😰😰😰
हो गईल हम्मर परीक्षा,
एहु साल दाँत चियारे के परी। 😡😡😡

18.
मैथिली में चुटकुला:
फेसबुक पर नया नया फ्रेंडशिप भेल,
फिर नंबर एक्सचेंज भेल...

लड़की - हैलो डार्लिंग, की क रहल छी?
लड़का - दाढ़ी बना रहल छी।

2 घंटा बाद

लड़की - कि यौ, कि क रहल छी।
लड़का - दाढ़ी बना रहल छी।

लड़की - की बात छै, कखनो हम फोन करैछी अहाँ दाढ़ीये बनबैत रहै छी। दिन में कतेक बेर दाढ़ी बनबैछी।
लड़का - 30-40 बेर।

लडकी - अहाँ पागल छी..???

लडका- नै हम हज्जाम छी..!!!

17.
गाँव मे रामलीला हो रही थी
सीता स्वयंवर में राम जी के धनुष तोड़ने पर परशुराम जी का आगमन हुआ।
परशुराम जी क्रोधित होकर अपने पैर को चौकी से बने स्टेज पर पटकने लगे और चिल्लाने लगे

 "किसने तोड़ा धनुष, किसने तोड़ा धनुष "

तभी दर्शकों में से आवाज आई-

 अरे बेटा परशुराम  धनुषवा चाहे कोई तोड़े, हमार चौकीया टूटल न तो तोहार सब गर्मी निकाल देब

16.
🔔🔔 पटना में मेट्रो शुरू करने की परियोजना पर काम चल रहा है। मेट्रो की सभी एनाउन्समेंट भोजपुरी में ही होंगी।

कुछ इस तरह...😉 😄 😇

>> दरवजवा से एक हाथ बिदक के खड़ा रहा नाहीं त चपा जइबा...!

>> पियरकी लाईन से पीछे खड़ा रहा...सटला त गइला बेटा।

>> गाड़ी क पहिलका डब्बा औरतन खातीर बा...ओकरा मे गइला त पटक केे जुरमाना लिहनसन...!

>> दरवजवा दहिने पटी खुली। ओपर लद के खड़ा रहला ता फेंका जईबा..!

>> पटना मेट्रो में चाय पान बीड़ी सब मना बा... कउनो जना धरईला ता सोंठा जईबा..

>> मेट्रो पे सफर करत खानी याद रखा...प्राण जाए पर गोटी न जाए ⚫...!

>> बुढ पुरनीया लोगन अउर मेहररुअन के बइठे लागी जगह दे दा ना ता हउक के मियाज हरीयर कर दिहल जाई...!

>> मेट्रो के सम्पत्ती आपन समझ के केमाडी, पंखा, खिडकी, बत्ती पे बुरा नजर मत डलीहा..! देखला पे रगेद के मारल जाइ.... 🙏🏻 🔔 🔔



15.
बराक ओबामा ने कहा है कि अमेरिकी फौज भारतीय फौज के साथ मिलकर काम करने को तैयार है,

बशर्ते "भारत" पहले वो लिपस्टिक हमें सौंपे जिसको लगाने पर डिस्ट्रिक हिलता है


14.
इतना Sweet Love Letter" कभी नई पढ़ा होगा"....😍"....
.....
वेलेंटाइन पर मंगरु का लिखा खत"...😘"....

मेरी करेजा"...💋

वेलेंटाइन बाबा के कसम ई लभ लेटर मैं डेहरी पर चढ़कर लिख रहा हूँ...

डीह बाबा काली माई के कसम आज तीन दिन से मोबाइल में टावरे
नहीं पकड़ रहा था...

ए करेजा".. रिसियाना मत...

 मोहब्बत के दुश्मन खाली हमरे तुम्हरे
बाउजी ही नहीं हैं"....
यूनिनार औ एयरसेल वालें भी हैं"...😞"....

जब फोनवा नहीं मिलता है तो मनवा
करता है कि गढ़ही में कूद कर जान दे दें....

अरे इन सबको आशिक़ों के दुःख का क्या पता रे"..😒..?

हम चार किलो चावल बेच के नाइट फ्री वाला पैक डलवाये थे...

लेकिन हाय रे नेटवर्क"....कभी कभी तो मन करता है"...

की चार बीघा खेत बेचकर दुआर पर एक टावर लगवा लें"....
आ रात भर तुमसे बतियावें"....😊

तुमको पता है जब जब सरसो का खेत देखता हूँ न तब तब तुम्हाई बहुते याद आवत है"....

लगता है तुम हंसते हुए दौड़कर मेरे पास आ रही हो....मन करता है ये सरसों का फूल तोड़कर तुम्हारे जूड़े में लगा दूँ"....

आ जोर से कहूं..."आई लव यू करेजा"....💋

अरे अब गरीब लड़के कहाँ से सौ रुपया का गुलाब खरीदेंगे"...?

जानती हो हवा एकदम फगुनहटा बह रही है... तुम तो घर से निकलती नहीं हो....

यहाँ मटर, चना जौ के पत्ते सरसरा रहे हैं...रहर और लेतरी आपस में
बतिया रहे हैं.....

मन करता है खेत में ही तुम्हारा
दुपट्टा बिछाकर सो जाऊं आ सीधे होली के बिहान उठूँ....

उस दिन चंदनिया के बियाह में तुम आई थी न"....

हम देखे थे तुम केतना खुश थी...

करिया सूट में एकदम फूल गोभी जैसन लग रही थी...😍"...

तुमको पता है तुमको देखकर हम दू घण्टा नागिन डांस किये थे"...☺"...

बाकी सब ठीके है रात दिन तुम्हारी याद आती है पागल का हाल हो
गया है.....

रहा नहीं जा रहा तेरह को बनारस में
भरती है"....

देखो बरम बाबा का आशीर्वाद रहा तो मलेटरी में भरती होकर तुमसे जल्दी बियाह करेंगे...

हम नहीं चाहते की तुम्हारा बियाह
किसी बीटेक्स वाले से हो जाए"....

और हमको तुम्हारे बियाह में रो रोकर पूड़ी पत्तल गिलास चलाना पड़े....

आगे सब कुशल मंगल है"..... तु आपन खयाल रखना"....💋

 तुमहार आशिक "....
मंगरु"....😘


13.
अगर पाकिस्तान की सीमा हमारे नवादा, नालंदा, गया, पटना, दानापुर से लगी होती......

तो आधे पाकिस्तान पर कब्जा तो
 हमारे यहां की औरते गोइठा ठोक ठोक के कर लेती.......

12. उपवास का बिहारी version

पति-. का बात है आज रोटी ना बनैलू का..? ख़ाली शर्बत पी रहल बारू.?

पत्नी, - आज हमार उपवास बा न..

 पति-त कुछ खा लेतु उपासे काहे बाड़ू.

पत्नी- तनिका सा फलाहार खइली ह.
  4 गो केला
  2 गो अनार
  3 गो सेव
    हलुआ , साबुदाना की खिचड़ी, सिंगाड़ा की पूड़ी खा लेली ह बस..

और 1 गिलास दूध और
 दो कप चाह पी लेनी ह..

अब मुसंबी के रस पियत रहनी ह..त तू टोक देल ह...
आज उपवास है न, सो कुछो और नाएं खा सकनी ह..

पति- तनी रबड़ी सबड़ी और खा ल.....

पत्नी - रात के बाद राबड़ीमलाई खाएब.......खाना एकही टाइम खाये के बा............

पति- भाई बहुते कठिन उपास बा तोहार....
केकरो बाप ना कर सके अइसन कठिन उपास..

देखिह.. कमजोरी न हो जाये तोरा.

पत्नी- एहि से ता बीच बीच में काजू बादाम फ़ाँक ली ले..

पति- फिर भी ख्याल रखिह अपन..!



11.

     दुनियादारी    के    चक्कर    में,
     छूटल             आपन        गाँव ।

     छूट  गयल   सब   ताल  तलैया,
     बड़का      पीपल     के     छाँव ।।


     काली   माई,   डीह    बाबा के
     होइ    गयल   दुरलभ  दर्शन।

     सइयद  बाबा,  बरमबाबा  बिन,
     लागै     नाही      आपन     मन ।।


     छूट   गयन    सब   संगी  साथी,
     रामायण    गाइब    छूट    गयल ।

     खेल   कबड्डी    छूटल    भयवा,
     नहर     नहाइब     छूट     गयल ।।


     ताजी   ताजी    मूरई,    धनिया,
     हरियर    मरचा     छूट    गयल ।

     ऊख    चूहाई,     चेफ    नपाई,
     होरहा    दाना    छूट     गयल ।।


     रेवरा       छिउरा     तिरमुहानी,
     बड़का    मेला     छूट     गयल ।

     राम   लक्ष्मण  के  रूप   निकरै,
     गाँव      डरामा     छूट    गयल ।।


     गुड़  के  रस,    आमे  के पन्ना,
     गर्मी  के  सतुआ  छूट  गयल ।

     घर  बाहर    अवरा  के नीचे,
     बट्टी    चोखा     छूट    गयल ।।


     गाय  भईस  के इंनरी छूटल,
     हर    हरवाही     छूट   गइल ।

     खेत  कियारी   हुक्का  पानी,
     प्रीत    परानी      टूट    गइल ।।



10.
किडनैपर - हमने तुम्हारे बेटे को अपरहण कर लिया है....
बाप (बिच में ही चिल्लाते हुए) - नहीं..... मैं बहोत गरीब आदमी हूँ कुछ नहीं है मेरे पास
किडनैपर - अबे हम एक करोड़ भेज रहे है तुझे उसके खुल्ले कराने है।

9. लड़का-हेल्लो जानू, कहाँ बारु ?
गर्लफ्रेंड-अभी हम पापा के स्कारपीओवा में बानी।
लड़का-पापा संघेही बारे का?
गर्लफ्रेंड- ना ता, पापा बिज़ी रहलन तो ड्राईवर के संगे भेज देहलन ।
लड़का-अच्छा ,कहाँ जात बारु?
गर्लफ्रेंड-छपरा जात बानी .पहले फिलिम देखम ओकर बाद शॉपिंग करेम.अगर टाइम मीली ता फ़ोन करेम,अच्छा तू कहाँ हउआ अभी।

लड़का-जउन टाटा मेजिकवा में तुं आगे के सीटवा में बैठल बारू ना ओकरे में हम पिछवा लटकल बानी..... आर हाँ भाड़ा मत दिहह् तोहर हम दे देले बानी.....

8. लईका (व्हाट्सप्प पे) - काल हम तुमको आई लभ यू कहे थे
ट्यूसन से बहरी निकलते बेरा...
कुछो बोली नहीं...
👧
लईकी- अरे गज़ब हाल है ... तुम बोले त हम कोंची करे ...
👦
लईका - आज नहीं कहोगी त हम अबगे मैगी बना के खा लेंगे...
👧
लईकी - अरे नहीं ... तुमको हमार किरिया है अइसन काम मत करना...
👦
लईका - हम त पानियो चढ़ा दिये हैं गैस पे... मसाला डालना है...
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लईकी - तुम अइसे काहे कर रहे हो, ओकरा में सीसा है... कुछो हो जाएगा...
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लईका - त कहो हाल्दी से .... नहीं तो हम दू पाकिट बना के खा लेंगे
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लईकी - अच्छा ठीक है हम कह रहे हैं, तुम गैस बंद करो अभीए...
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लईका - पहिरे कहो

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लईकी - आई लभ यू टु ....😄😄😄😄😄
7. JOHNY-JOHNY Poem In Bhojpuri version-
"A ho JONY"
"Han bhauji"
"Chini khaila"
"Na bhauji"
"Jhuth bolba"
"Na bhauji"
"Muhva fara"
"ha! ha! ha#"

6. Ek admi ne zoo me 3 language bolne wala tota dekha jo english
hindi aur bhojpuri bolta tha.
Usne 3 language test karne k liye puchha,
who r u?
Tota: I m parrot.
Admi: Tum kaun ho?
Tota: Main tota hun.
Admi: Tu k hawa?
Tota: Tohre maai k dulha hai re saale,ek bar bata dehali ta bar bar kahen puchhat hawe..

5. Boy tuchs grl's face wid rose.
Englsh Grl- Drlng,u r so naughty
Hindi grl- Mat kro jaan
Punjbi- Tussi bde wo ho
Bhojpuri girl- Ankhiya phod debe ka re harami.

4. 1st time BHOJPURI SMS:
Tu ruth jaibu ta jiyab kaisen,phatal karejwa k siyab kaisen.,
tu hi ta hau hamar sone ka surahi,tu hi phut jaibu ta pani piyab kaisen..

3. :Tu ruth jaibu ta jiyab kaise,

phatal karejwa k siyab kaise,

tu hi ta hau hamaar sona k surahi,

tu hi phoot jaibu ta pani piyab kaise.

:)

2. BiHARI BABU-Ari O Doctorni,E Kaisain Nasbandi Kiye Ho Hamar? Biwi Phir Se Maa Banne Wali Hai,
DOCTORNI-Bhootni Ke Nasbandi Ham Tohar Kiye Hai,
Pure Bihar K NAHI

1. दिल्ली मे 
बेटा: पापा आज बहुत गर्मी है!!
पापा: बेटा हम आज ही ए.सी. लगवाएंगे!!
बिहार मे
बेटा: पापा आज कितनी गर्मी है!
पापा: चल तोर कपार छिलवा दिहिं।।।।